There are simply too many questions that I can't even process questions I've had from days back, let alone months back. I really didn't realize that wanting a life in France meant leaving this one. I know it sounds downright stupid, a silly little girl dreaming but never living. My dream is life but I feel I might live in my dream. I felt. Nah. I wanted to simply fast forward to a French morning. But I got caught up in the fast forwarding, the dreaming, that I forgot, until now, that I have to go. I blame television and Hollywood for making me think I could simply skip the boring. I'm afraid of the transitional moments, the weak and test-of-character moments. I tried tricking myself, packing weeks early, living out of luggage. Ha. Usually, writing it all out calms me, but I don't know... I do know I need this moment. I need this shattering wake up. This is real. I need this moment of weakness, I do. I need to wake up and get there, so I can fall asleep there. Then I know it isn't a dream.
Two days left in California.
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